Aching

Oh my God!

My God, My God, My God!

My innards are aching,

my gut is twisting,

my head is pounding.

I keep mulling over all the possible scenarios that fate could toss upon the shores of history.

I imagine every gruesome detail,

every possible decision and it's outcome;

I attempt to determine every heart and it's motive,

to figure our every avenue of chance 

in hopes that I may predestine my own perfect outcome to this seemly hopeless scenario.

I know what I see as best.

As logical.

As probable.

As a tragedy. 

But what ales me most, My God,

is that it's all out of my control.

Nothing I say can speak truth into hearts,

Nothing I do can spare pain from a life,

Nothing I meditate upon can deter the steps You have laid out.

Only You, My God.

Only You can speak truth into hearts,

Only You can spare pain from a life,

Only Your meditations and thoughts can determine our way.

Only You, My God.

So here and now,

I need to surrender, 

my thoughts I give to You.

I say that I trust,

I say I have faith,

to this let my actions stay true.

Guide me, My God,

shield my aching heart

and keep my tongue in line.

I truly desire Your will

in my life

So may our wills align.

Whatever the outcome

Whatever is said

Even if it's the things that i dread,

I trust and I KNOW

You are faithful and true

And I know that You love me

My God, 

I know You do.