So we started the book of Philippians in womens Bible Study. It's perfect timing too. I had a doctors appointment yesterday and the outcome was... well... not very promising.
Looks like my endometriosis is growing back already and it's on my bladder and cervix for sure, could be on my ovaries again. My doctor explained a lot of things that I am going to try to make into a nice organized list of bullets:
- When he did surgery, he found tissue in the shape of a half circle on my ovaries, arteries that go into my legs, cervix and some other places I can't remember. He did surgery a few days ago on a lady who was younger then 30 with the same kind of endo and she was on her 15th surgery, with no kids, and as of a few days ago, no chance of having kids.
- He did an exam and thinks that the tissue grew back on my bladder and cervix. Possibly my ovaries again. He doesn't want to do surgery unless necessary because it can have long-term effects.
- I have 3 options: (1) Birth control (2) Get Pregnant (3) Hysterectomy. I asked him what he thought I should do and without hesitation said, "Cass, if you want to have babies, you need to get pregnant now!" He said that more then 4 times. He also said it looks like a hysterectomy is probably in my future.
So all this to come to my crossroads:
- Do I get on the pill and risk my babies getting the hormones, or stop breast feeding? Will it even help the symptoms? Will it throw my body out of whack to get on it and then off again in a few months if I decide to get pregnant?
- Do I try an diet change and take supplements and try to heal naturally? Will this actually help in the long run? Is it worth the investment?
- Do I just wait it out until May-ish and then get pregnant? What about our Israel trip in November? Will I still be able to get pregnant if I wait another few months? Will more tissue grow?
So Paul is in jail while he is writing to the Philippians. Obviously not a situation worth rejoicing over. But he did have joy and rejoice, not because of his circumstances, but because the gospel was being preached, and the Philippians were exercising their faith by blessing Paul financially. These were things to rejoice in!
So I need to do the same (and by God's grace, I have been)! Rejoice in the fact that through all the physical stuff I am facing, I know that my doctor, my nurses, other people in the body or in the world of acquaintances that I meet, are seeing Jesus Christ at work in my life through the joy and peace that I have. If my ONLY purpose for being sick is simply so that my doctor can see God giving me peace and joy through all of this, then I will go through it ALL so his soul can be saved.
So I am just praying about the decisions that I now face... I need answers and I need them quick. I took a birth control pill last night, but I need to decide if i am going to commit to them or not.
Lord speak to me. Guide me. Holy Spirit direct me. I want to please You and You alone! You know my heart. You know my circumstances. You know Your will and my wishes. I trust You and I will do as You tell me. Please, give me a direction so that I can walk in it.