Real. Talk.

I. Just. Can't. Stop. Crying.

It's not even controllable.

Today I have been having pain in my pelvis.
Not cramping, but sharper pain.

Also just down right confused. I will probably have to re-read this several times because I am having a hard time thinking straight. 

I went to the store today and had no idea what was going on.
I just wandered around the isles. Got really sick. Sat down.

Had plans tonight, but couldn't get myself to go.

I am so fearful someone is going to say something stupid to me.
I am learning how when someone looses someone they love, the LAST thing they want to be asked is:

"How are you doing?"
"Well at least ... didn't happen!"
"It could be worse."

I just can't handle that yet.

I keep replaying (sorry this may be TMI) plopping out the little mass of tissue of a baby into the toilet. :'(


I want to get over this.
I can't believe how hard it is. 
I feel so dumb having such a hard time with this.

I need to just spend time talking with my Jesus.
I need to go now...