Wednesday, January 19, 2011

Surprise Surgery

You know, God is so good despite our circumstances. He knows all, allows all, and, whether we see it or not, does it all for our benefit. So, with that being said, my pelvic pain got so I called my nurse line. I spent over 2 hours on the phone with this incredible nurse named Mary. She squeezed me in for an appointment the following day with a doctor other then my usual doctor. Long story short, we ran tests, and after a long, painful ultrasound, found a "mass" on my ovary. The doctor returned to our room with a troubled look on his face and said this, "Well, we found a mass on your right ovary. However, it isn't a cyst because it's not filled with fluid..." After some other things I hardly remember him saying, I asked him what he though it was and he said, "Well, it's tissue of some sort. I don't think it's a tumor, but that is a possibility."

I honestly wasn't nervous. Maybe because I was in so much pain I could've cared less. Going to be with Jesus didn't (and still doesn't) sound all that bad. Here is how I see it:

(1) If it's cancer, then I have my ticket punched! I get to go home! I am not like wanting to die necessarily because I have a family that depend on me, but to be in heaven with my Savior will be far better then here.

(2) If I can't have babies anymore, I will be sad, but my God, who created the earth and planned my steps before I was born for me to walk in if I choose, loves me and His will is perfect for my life. It may not be what I think is the best for me, but I have such a limited view. He has never done me wrong... ever!

So, only by the Lord's grace, they got me in for surgery the next morning (this morning). My doctor, Dr. English preformed my surgery. I trust him and am so stinkin glad that I listened to the Lord's direction with picking him (you can read through the last bloggs from when I was first pregnant to hear that story). Surgery went... well?

Turns out: I have endometriosis. He caught it in the early stages, so there was minimal damage done. It appears I can still get pregnant, but the longer that I wait to get pregnant the more of a chance of infertility I have. There are many possible treatments and managements, however most of them are pretty severe.

So as of now I am sitting on the couch, in MUCH pain, drugged up, with my kids with Katie Karl. My husband, Lord bless this man for his servants heart, is waiting on me hand and foot today. Which I really need. I cannot walk by myself. I seriously need help with like everything.

Lord, I love You. I know that You are in control of everything. I know that You love me, and whatever the verdict ends up being in the long run, I am not worried. You have never allowed anything in my life that wasn't for my good (even if I didn't think it was good). Besides, I am willing to go through this so that people can hear about my relationship with You. I wish that everyone could have a personal relationship with You Father!

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