Tuesday, December 1, 2015

Motherhood: The Struggle


There isn't any one word that describes this.
It's such a strange role. 
I don't think you ever pinpoint exactly what your role is.
You're so much more talented that a shape shifter. 
You wear so many "hats" and become who others need you to be whenever they need it.
Most of your labor goes completely unnoticed.
Very rarely are you thanked. 
You cry a lot and feel like you're falling short daily.
You also bubble over with the most intense love and joy a human can feel.

As time goes by, your once youthful face becomes more wrinkled and dark circles are permanent under your eyes now.
Your once smooth, sexy skin that your husband enjoyed on your honeymoon becomes scared with marks of a warrior.
Your husband looks at you differently.
His love is much deeper now.
He cherishes you.
He knows how you've sacrificed everything for his family.

You know, it's a struggle sometimes.
Inadequacy creeps up on you.
You feel like you don't pray with them enough.
Like you don't read God's Word to them enough.
You're not patient with them enough.
They aren't as well behaved as you think they should be.
They aren't going to be prepared for collage at age 15 with the way you've been homeschooling lately.

Tears roll down my face and I share my struggles with my life partner, my husband.
I cry out to God and remind Him of how I am not able to raise these kids properly. 

I don't have all the answers, but I'm humbled. 
I'm open to His leading. 
I want to be all that He wants me to be. 
He's the only one I live to please and when my role as a mother changes every day, He never changes. 
He is all I will have when my kids no longer need me through the night. 
He's the one I will spend eternity with even if my kids don't choose that. 

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