Out of the Mouth of a Two Year Old

I need to remember to be adding to this post as I remember conversations. 
So, so funny.

I am in the kitchen making dinner.
Ahavah: So mom, when can I get married?
Me: When you're older, honey
Ahavah: Like when I am 2 or 3?
Me: Try 18 or 19
Ahavah: **Sighs and walks away**

We were at Gander Mountain looking at guns and Ahavah notices the pink pepper spray on the shelf:
Ahavah: Ooooo Pink Hair Spray! Can I get some pink hair spray??
Me: Negative. That's not hair spray. It's called pepper spray.
Ahavah: Well, why can't I have it?
Me: Tell you what, when you are older, Daddy will buy you some pink pepper spray, okay?
Ahavah: But I AM older! I am 3 now mom!
Me: You're not 3 yet, and you need to wait until you are like 14.

Alex and the girls were playing hide and go seek in the house. 
Alex hid behind my Lay-Z-Boy and the girls found him.
Alecia: Okay dad you count!
Alex: Okay. One... Two... Three...
Alecia: No dad! You can't count there! I am going to hide there!!

The girls were wrestling with Alex one night.
Alex: Hayven! Give me a kiss!
Hayven: No!! *Runs away with a smile on her face*
Ahavah: I will give you a kiss, Daddy!
Alecia: Dad, you need to brush your teeth... your breath stinks!

Eating Lunch:
Me: No toys at the table please.
Ahavah: *singing* No toys at the table
Alecia: No toys at the table
Ahavah: No tomatoes at the table
Alecia: No tomatoes at the table
Ahavah: No cucumbers at the table
Alecia: No cucumbers at the table
Ahavah: No mommy's at the table!
Alecia: Mommy, you can be at the table if you want to.


We went for a walk and saw a tree that fell over.
Ahavah: What happened to that tree?!?
Me: It fell over.
Alecia: The wind pushed it down.
Ahavah: I think the bad guys just pushed it down.
Me: Both of those sound like good theories...
Alecia: It was the Devil! The Devil knocked it down!!
Ahavah: Well we need to be bad guys so we can get those bad guys and get that tree up so it will never fall down again!!

We were dropping the kids off at a friends for a few hours to get the baby checked at the hospital.
Alecia: Ahavah! We need to boil the bacon!
Me: What did you say? You need oil and bacon?!?
Alecia: No! I said... we need to BOIL the BACON so we can eat it!
Me: You mean fry the bacon??
Alecia: Oh yeah! Fry the bacon! Well can we have some suckers so we can eat them and then put them in the freezer??
Me: You are so crazy Alecia :)