The Hard Part of Being a Help Meet

The many hats of being a wife.

The many hats of being a mother.

 

Oh how our selfishness can flare up! 

We've been home all day, at the front lines of all the fights, with the scars of the battle apparent on our weary and sore bodies. We've done laundry, cooked meals, arranged snack, taken all the kids to appointments and shopping, made phone calls, solved math problems, sounded out new words, wiped many tears, spanked many butts, corrected many character issues. We didn't get our nap time or our alone time because the troublemaker child decided NOT to sleep. Instead he decided to swallow the last tube of glue. Oh! AND the baby has cried for 8 hours straight and you had to have him strapped onto you every moment of the day. 

Then our husbands come home.

Yay! Relief! We get to check out!

If you have a wonderful husband like mine, I sometimes do get to check out when he gets home. At least for a little while. 

But I realize, and remind myself, it is my calling to come along side him.

My husband carries a lot on his plate. 

Besides being a family called to full-time ministry (which is our primary passion and what we love to do most), my husband also goes to school full-time and works as an HVAC for Bonfe full-time. His work hours are often longer then we expect, especially in the summertime. He's got school classes every day of the week and then ministry (home fellowship leader, sound ministry assistant, deacon). The many phone calls of people needing counsel and prayer. The many "emergency" meetings or circumstances of people needing my husband to serve in this way or another. The many meals my husband takes people out to just to spend time talking, praying, and counseling. These all often come when he just steps through the door at 9pm for the first time since 5am... 

He also has a passion for government. Once he finishes school next year, he is going to be getting more involved in local government. Of course, I have a feeling this will take up more of his time then his schooling currently is. :)

I often say "hello" to him for the first time face to face and the last time at 9pm in the evening.

See you Friday Night! Is often what we say to each other. Jokingly, but somewhat truthfully, since that's our designated family night with just us. Saturdays are also our Sabbath. See my post on the importance of Family Nights, Sabbaths, and Date Nights here.

As a wife, it's my job to come along side my husband in everything he does. 

It's often always at the expense of me. 

Of course I would LOVE for my husband to come home and spend time with us every day, but I know this isn't what the Lord's called our family to.

How do I know this?

Because what my husband's called to, so are we called to it. It's that simple. God wouldn't call my husband to something that He didn't call us all to.

TRUTH:

I often find myself envying the families who see their husbands every day for more then an hour.

I often wish we were that family that lived on the country side and life was slow and you enjoyed e.v.e.r.y. m.o.m.e.n.t. 

But then the Lord reminds me I still wouldn't be satisfied. 

What satisfies is doing exactly what the Lord has called you to. 
What satisfies is a relationship with Him.

So then there's the ministries the Lord's called me to. Worship ministry and our radio station (commercials, promos, music). ON TOP OF rearing 5 children and raising them for life, homeschooling, gardening, preserving food, managing a home, and meeting all my husbands needs.

This is our calling women.

We were made for this. 

We were made to lay ourselves aside for the sake of our family.

Other's don't see us do this.

Only our husbands and children see what we do every day and I believe that's why Solomon's mother said, in Proverbs 31:28,

Her children arise up, and call her blessed; her husband also, and he praiseth her.

Speaking of the Proverbs 31 women... do you see how much this lady had on her plate?!? Yet she handled it with such kindness and grace. Also, her husband was known in the gates. He had a ministry and a calling outside the home. She had to "hold down the fort", I'm sure, many a-days when she just wanted her love to be at home with her. 

Now, I suppose it needs to be said that there are some husband who DON'T fulfill their role in the home. They aren't leading their families. They are spending too much time away from the house and their families are suffering. I guess that's the fine balance between doing what the Lord's called you to, and doing more then what the Lord's called you to, or not prioritizing what He's called you to. You need to pray, keep accountable, and know what He's said in His Word and to you. 

As I strive to be a better wife, my husband strives to be a better husband and father.

• He answers his phone every time I call despite any meeting or anything he's in (or at least calls back right away when he is able)
• He tells the kids when He is home they are to come to him with their needs unless He is on the phone - this lightens my load and reinforces that HE is the head of the family. I am simply taking over while he's not around
• He asks me to keep the kids awake as late as I need to so that HE can tuck them into bed and do devotions with them every night
• He sits and talks to me for at least 10-20 minutes every night even if he's dog tired
• He says the hard things and reminds me when I'm being childish or selfish (which is more often then I'd like to admit...)

Man what a blessing it is to walk in love. 

Self-sacrificing love. 

It's a joy!

I'm overwhelmed with joy when I choose obedience and choose selflessness, INSTEAD of being overwhelmed with what is my current circumstance.

It's NOT easy in the moment when my flesh wants to just BE SERVED!!!! 

But when I choose it, despite what I feel, or despite that lies others or the lies the world tells me (which could be a whole OTHER blog post - you deserve a break, you have it so hard, you need to slow down, you're doing too much), then I reap the blessings the Lord has for me. 

You know my husband and I were talking. 
Everything is about perspective. 
How we CHOOSE to view things. 
Are we going to view his LONG work and school hours as a really cruddy scenario that we're suffering through? 
Or a time that can actually be enjoyed? 
What about this is enjoyable that we couldn't enjoy if we weren't in this situation? 

- The long nights the kids and I get to spend snuggled up reading while we wait for daddy to come home. 

- The long days when schools finished, the house work is done and we get to pull out our guitars and drums and just jam. 

- The pictures I get to snap of the ridiculous things our oldest boy did to get in trouble that day and the slide show I get to show Alex when he gets home from the day.

- Seeing my oldest girls take on more responsibility in helping me load the car up to go places, or carry groceries in and put food away since we don't have our strong daddy to do that for us. 

- Crazy, out-of-control Costco runs with a baby on my hip, a child holding onto my skirt, three more dancing like ballerinas and singing worship songs with a cart overflowing of large bulk items. Oh I get looks like I'm a crazy women. But there's always a smile on my face and a song in my heart and that speaks more then anything I can say to the lost souls at the grocery mart.

Each family is called to something so unique and so precious. 

Each calling is different.

Each wife is unique for their husband. 

I just love the beauty of it all.

Tell me how your family functions!

How does your role as a help meet get hard, yet you persevere through it?

Praise the Lord for His grace and His love. :)

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Praise the Lord for His Love and Grace

That He pours upon us as we occupy this place

Gleaning wisdom each day from His precious Word

And applying it to our lives seeking help from above

Wisdom cries out and we answer back

Since without her we would all be but daft

A wife and a mother, there's no higher call

And really no greater privilege at all

Like an art that we study, we craft, and we form

Daily sowing, and watering, doing our best to preform

At the end of it all we look eagerly to reap

All the treasures in heaven that we get to keep

When we look on our Savior, who carried our sin

And present our children and our husbands to Him

"Well Done" He will say, if we're faithful through and through
"You diligently cared for what I left you.
A praise to My heart is what you always pursued,

and because of your love,
Your Daughters and Sons 
They all made it here too."

~ Cassie Deputie ~