Cruicial Vaccine Information!

This is a topic I don't talk much about on my blog, and I'm sure a number of you would be surprised to hear this topic is very near and dear to our heart as a family. If you would like to hear more about why, just send me an email and we can chat. 

However, when Alex I were walking through some things and praying about certain decisions we were going to make regarding vaccinations for our children, I came across this course: vaccineeducation.us

Now, My husband and I went to this class in person several times before it was offered as an online course and we took many of our friends through it as well. 

This course gives you so much valuable information that enables you to make an informed decision as far as vaccinations are concerned. 

My favorite part of this course personally was the education on exactly how the immune system works and how vaccines are supposed to work in light of this. This opened my understanding as to the thought process behind the invention of the vaccine as well as a really well-rounded understanding of why certain ingredients are placed in the vaccines to get the desired responses. 

This course will walk you through vaccine by vaccine study on the manufacturing of vaccinations, the ingredients in them, and some history behind why they started, which vaccines were created or recalled and why as well as up-to-date statistics on their success or failure rates. 

There is so much more information and resources in this course that I can't fit it all in this blog post, but I would greatly encourage people to visit this website: vaccineeducation.us and explore and learn!

Like I said, my husband and I have been through these classes together and took several others through them as well and I HIGHLY recommend them. 

I know there are lots of bogus things out there that are based a whole lot more on people's opinions or bias' on this topic, but I feel this course is very well-rounded and will guide you to draw your own conclusions about which vaccines you feel are necessary or how to space them or whatever thoughts you are having about your child and their health care. 

I am SO THANKFUL we live in a country where we can make informed choices when it comes to what we believe is healthy, safe, or unsafe for our families! With that right comes the responsibility to be informed and know that the choices we make are good ones. So let's never stop learning and never stop challenging our beliefs to make sure they are solid and the right ones!

Go ahead and check this course out and let me know what you think!! vaccineeducation.us 


Here is another great resources by the same creator of this course: http://vaccinedecision.info/

Mache Conference Recording

It's taken a while to update on our Mache Conference Experience. 

It was awesome, to say the least. 

I attached a recording of the speech that Alex I were able to give. 

Alex got us a hotel room right on the lake. Our hotel room had a kingsize bed and a hot tub right next to our bed with two large windows looking over the lake. There was a light house and ships sailing by. It was just incredibly relaxing. 

There was one morning where Alex went to a Men's Breakfast so I spent the morning with a cup of coffee next to the window overlooking the lake. It was sweet time with just Jesus and I. 

The Lord gave us clear direction on what He has for us this year as far as homeschooling goes. We're very excited since He's changing our whole (especially MY whole) philosophy on homeschooling. 

We had so many conversations after Alex and I spoke that were very sweet. I just love the body of Christ. What an awesome thing our God set up for us to partake in until He comes back. :)

I should have a video of the speech coming to me really soon which I will attach to this post so watch for updates if you're interested. 

An Answered Prayer

In the midst of the seemingly unknown, when there's frightening things happening around you, yet there's a peace that is guarding your heart (just as the scriptures promise in Philippians 4:6-7, Isaiah 26:3 and many more scriptures), it's always encouraging to see the Lord's guidance. Just to get a glimpse of the FACT that He's had all this in His plan and is still orchestrating things in His timing.

And what really is "unknown"? 

Does God not gold all circumstances in His hand? 

Does He not know the future? 

Is He not sovereign? 

Does He not fashion our steps to walk in before we were even conceived or our souls even entered this world?

Ephesians 2:13 "But now we are His workmanship, created in Christ Jesus for good works, which God prepared beforehand that we should walk in them."

Philippians 4:6-7 "Be anxious for nothing, but in everything by prayer and supplication, with thanksgiving, let your requests be made known to God; and the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and minds through Christ Jesus." 

Isaiah 26:3 "You will keep Him in perfect peace, whose mind is stayed on You, because He trusts in You."

I know myself, and I hold onto those times when I see that the Lord's in control; I hold onto those times when I can't seem to see His sovereignty from my perceptive. 

Ahavah's been still having numerous absent seizures as well as some random fevers. She's been putting herself to bed at night saying her stomach hurts, her head hurts, and she doesn't feel well. She'll sweat through the night and wake up the next morning to a rough start. There was a night this week she was sweating so bad we tried to wake her, but she wouldn't wake up. Alex carried her down into my room and I laid next to her just praying over her through the night. She woke up the next morning (after about a 12 hour sleep) conscious and doing okay. 

She's quieted down a lot. She doesn't talk much. She's lost interest in reading and writing, which she used to love to do. She isn't interested in eating much at all. My kids LOVE to eat late night and they eat a LOT. Ahavah will barely finish her dinner and then she doesn't want anything else for the night except to go to bed because she doesn't feel well. 

Last Friday we had a lady from the Department of Health over to talk with me face to face as well as take some samples of some vitamins to test them for lead. She ended up being a believer and we had a SWEET time of fellowship! We shared God's faithfulness in the midst of what we've walked through with our children. She almost buried 3 of her 5 children due to health issues, mostly autoimmune diseases. She was the forerunner to many health issues we consider common nowadays. 

We prayed together. We prayed over each other's families, for God's wisdom in dealing with my children as well as several situations her family is currently facing. When she left I thanked her for sharing such an encouraging testimony of God's hand in her life. I told her that I praise the Lord she's in the position she is. She assured me she's praying over my family and my children and she's allowing the Lord to lead her as she seeks to come along side us with all we're facing.  

WOW!

Then the following Friday (yesterday), we had two of our favorite guys from the Department of Health over. They spent 2 1/2 hours running through the ENTIRE home checking every thing they could think of (again) that could contain any source of lead. Our ceilings, several dirt samples all around the home, toys, craft supplies, bathroom caulking... you name it. 

They also came up with a plan to just start removing any lead sources from the home. 

Alex and I have been praying and asking for this grant that replaces the old lead-containing windows in the house. We didn't "qualify" for the last two years since most of our windows ARE new and don't contain lead except for 4-5 of them that have the original wood and paint that came with the house (1880). However, due to my children being severely poisoned for 2 years, they are going to work through several loop holes to try to get us this grant! We MAY even be able to reseal our lead bathtub using a grant also. We will only have to pay a small percentage of the work that will be done.

We don't always know why God closes certain doors at certain times.

 Why didn't we get this grant rolling two years ago? 

It could have possibly limited our kids exposure to a potential lead source. 

I may never know. 

I don't need to know. 

That's the great thing about being a Christian!!

We get to apply God's Word and trust God's Word. 

He says He laid it all out for us to walk in. 

He said He cares more about us then the birds of the air that He feeds and the lilies of the field that He clothes (Matthew 6). Our flesh wants answers. Our flesh wants to know all things so we can judge if God's making the right decision. But we can just trust Him and allow His peace to guard our hearts. 

Then when we get glimpses that He's working and we can look back, remember that He was orchestrating everything, and we can fall back on that which we KNOW when we come against something we DONT KNOW.

God's so good.

It's such a joy to follow Him. 

Vomiting, Possible Seizures, Speaking Opportunity!

As I am trying to document our journey with lead poisoning with the girls, I am so in awe of how much the Lord brings you through that you think you can't handle. He REALLY does equip those He calls to things. AND we have so much to be thankful for! We have salvation! We have a Savior that gave His life so that we might be forgiven and saved! We liv in a country where we have access to medical treatments and supplies that others in the world spend their lives trying to get access to.

 Thank you Jesus!

Our day yesterday started the night before when I didn't get any sleep due to a serious sinus infection I have. I slept from 1am-4am. When I got up, I took Tylenol, Netti Potted, and I was able to spend time with the Lord and with my husband which, little did I know, I was going to need!!

After texting a few sisters for prayer, one sister came and grabbed my younger two kids since I had many appointments planned and had zero energy to get through them with a fever, headache, and no sleep. Of course, all the kids woke up at the Butt-Crack of Dawn that morning as well.  

First we were off to my chiropractor. I had asked her to look into anything she could find on lead poisoning using her connections and resources. She didn't have any new news, but she worked on my sinus and other areas that have been hurting me since I've been under a bit of stress lately. She also told me drinking a tremendous amount of water when I am in the hospital will help loosen my back up in the long run. 

Ahavah about to get her blood draw at the Cancer and Blood. And of course, at her side, is her twin. Ahavah always is much braver when her sister is looking over her shoulder at the needle and blood along side her. 

We then went out to Minneapolis to meet with Ahavah's hematologist. I needed to order her a new medical bracelet, get some more supplies for her medicine bag, and discuss Ahavah's recent symptoms with her hematologist to see if they didn't have to do with her bleeding disorder/autoimmune disease instead of the lead poisoning. 

The girls playing their travel BINGO game. 

Ahavah has recently been:

Extremely Lethargic: Doesn't want to get out of bed in the morning, lays on the couch and doesn't want to get up because she's too tired, loses her breath and feels sick when we go for family walks ect.

Changes in Taste: Everything she used to love to eat tastes bad to her and she recently really loves eating raw onions.

Irritability/Emotional: Little things upset her and she just cries about things that are no big deal.

Slower Thought and Body Response: I recorded the girls talking the other day and you can really hear the difference between Ahavah and Alecia. Ahavah repeated herself several times and it took her a lot longer to form her thoughts to words. Doing little tasks takes her a lot longer then it used to (going to the bathroom, putting her shoes on ect) and she seems to not be able to multitask very well any more. 

Strange Staring Episodes: This happened 2-3 times yesterday and I remember this from a year or so ago when her lead was high. She would "zone out" and just stare. I would call her name several times and she wouldn't respond for about a minute. Then she would snap out of it. 

Loss of Appetite: She hasn't been waiting to eat much of anything. She's been skipping meals and only nibbling on the other meals. Each day's a bit different. Some days she'll eat a little more and other days she'll eat barley anything.

Alecia has been doing pretty well besides waking up randomly through the night vomiting. Her stomach doesn't hurt, she just wakes up, throws up, then goes back to bed. 

Ahavah's Hemotologist was greatly concerned. She was really stressing to me that I should get Ahavah looked at right away for the lead. She could just tell something wasn't right with her. 

I think the girls brought stuffed animals and were playing with them in this picture. 

After Ahavah had another staring episode and was just acting strange, I called her pediatrician and asked what He thought I should do. He had asked me if I though Ahavah was having seizures. I have no idea! She's not convulsing? He said if I was worried and she was just not acting right, then I should take her in. I received a phone call that Aleica's lead level was 39. Ahavah's a 33.

After praying about it, Alex and I decided to take them in to get looked at. At the very least we would get their levels run again and do an x-ray to see if there was any other reason Alecia would be vomiting. 

My dad would be proud that I chose to bring peanut butter and crackers into the hospital as my snack of choice. 

We dropped the younger two off at another friend's house to have a sleep over, went and got some "sneaky snacks" for the hospital, and headed in. After a LONG night of tests and discussions among doctors, we finally got discharged. The doctor in charge of our children was awesome! He explained that they never deal with kids with lead poisoning before. All the doctors were on the computer studying up on how to treat the girls, what to look for ect. Other doctors and nurses came in just to meet us and the girls. This usually happens when we go into any hospital/doctor office since our case is such a rare one. 

The doctor shared with us that he believes Ahavah's staring episodes were mini seizures probably caused by the lead poisoning, but there wasn't any tests they could do to confirm that unless I visited a neurologist, which we don't plan on doing. 

Playing ABC Mouse while waiting for the x-ray.

The doctor was in tears as he discharged us. He said he can see that the girls aren't doing well and he wishes there was something he could offer us. He said he can't imagine how frustrating it would be to have their lead levels high enough to cause tremendous damage, but too low to treat, and even having the treatments not really work anyways. 

So we go home, Alecia vomits a few times, then we all sleep. The girls and I didn't wake up until 10:30am. I have been on the phone with doctors and the Department of Health all day. 

________________________________________

We tested the Bentonite Clay we used from a natural food store to try to naturally chelate Ahavah back in October. The lead levels came back at 12 parts per million. The FDA recommends .1 parts per million. This goes to show that even natural remedies sometimes do more harm then good! Yikes!

BUT... we DID get AWESOME NEWS!!

I asked our "insurance company", Samaritan Ministries, if there was any chance I could share our story at the MACHE Conference coming up in April. Thousands of people attend this conference, and hundreds if not thousands of people email Samaritan Ministries for the opportunity to share their story. I received an email today that Alex and I get to speak Friday night before the Keynote Speaker at the Conference!!! (If that's not the Lord, I don't know what is!!)

I am so excited and humbled and asking the Lord to use me and give me exactly what HE wants said instead of what I want to say. 

Prayers are more then welcomed as we prepare for this great opportunity! This will be my second speaking opportunity regarding my children's illnesses and I am so thrilled to see the Lord work in people's lives for His Glory and His Kingdom.

We have several follow up appointments lined up for this weekend that will give us direction on how the next week is going to play out. We'll see what God has planned for us and I'll keep blogging away!

________________________________________

Unsure what lies ahead of us, Alex and I fully trust the Lord and His plan for us. Alex and I have talked about where this road could end up. 

We've established that we will NEVER blame God for anything that happens, but we WILL stay focused on our God's Goodness and the fact that HE laid down HIS LIFE so that we might be saved. 

He is so Good. :)

Lead Poisoning Update and 26 Weeks Pregnant

Monday we had a team come to the house and deep clean our home specifically for lead protection and stabilization. They shampooed the carpets, waxed the floors, covered chipping paint, and dusted areas that needed dusting. 

While they were doing that, I went to our pediatrician office to get Ahavah's platelets checked so that she could get dental work done Wednesday. Thankfully her platelets were well above the safe level!

After that we swung by Children's in Minnetonka and got long bone x-rays to measure the amount of lead in Ahavah's bones. Good news is there isn't any visible storage of lead in her bones! I don't know how that is, but I'm thankful!

Then I got a call to meet the Department of Health at the house so we could do ANOTHER inspection. 

At this point I am so exhausted I am just in tears. I've been sick for over a month now with what started as the influenza and has just lingered and lingered, getting worse then seemingly better. 

After all this my husband came home (skipping school) so that I could just sleep. We also canceled the plans we had at our home that night. 

Forgetting that I am pregnant, I may be pushing it a little too far. I have been having a whole lot of Braxton Hicks contractions. I mean 5-6 strong ones every hour every night (when I sit and actually notice them). I have been having lower back pain and nausea as well. All signs of preterm labor (which I am very familiar with) that I had with all my girl pregnancies that never made it full-term. My son was the only pregnancy I didn't have a lot of these things with and he made it to 39 Weeks!!! I am really trying to take it easy in between appointments and on days when I have nothing scheduled. 

Emotionally, I'm pretty much a wreck these days. Really trying to hold it together, but the amount of things on my plate is a bit overwhelming. I try to only fall apart around my husband and then text two or three women very close to me to pray for me.

Wednesday the twins got to see a Biological Holistic Dentist! It was such an awesome experience! Expensive, but well worth it. The girls LOVED it! And mommy LOVED it too! They gave the girls x-rays and then gave them homeopathic x-ray tablets to protect their body from the radiation. 

HELLO?!? I NEED SOME OF THOSE!!!! 

They cleaned the girls teeth with some mixture of volcanic ash and water instead of high fluoride toothpaste. They went over the girl's diets and brushing habits and believe Ahavah's small cavities can heal themselves with proper mineralization, however Alecia's cavities are pretty big and she recommends filling them (with nonmetallic and non-harmful materials). She doesn't believe their teeth decay is from poor hygiene or improper diet, but due to the toxic burden on their little bodies from all the lead poisoning. 

Besides all this, Ahavah has horrific seasonal allergies. She gets black eyes due to how bad her allergies get. I put her on some homeopathic tablets I had her on last year and they didn't seem to be working, so i tried Claritin. She developed a sore in her mouth and complained that she was always thirsty, tired, and had a stomach ache. Also right after she took a tablet her allergies got really bad and didn't get better until the morning. I then decided to switch her to a brand I had her on as a baby called Hyland's Allergy Relief. I forgot how much I love these tablets! I put my husband, myself, and my son on them to see if they help with what I thought was a cold. 

Anyways, I really want to remember everything we're walking through and I won't unless I blog it. Hopefully it will give other mom's tips and some guidance in dealing with lead poisoning? Maybe?!?

I am going to see my midwife tomorrow since I started getting a fever again tonight along with this chest cough I can't seem to shake. Hopefully they can give me some insight on what's going on. I suspect stress, lack of sleep, and partially losing my mind has a lot to do with it, but no amount of tea, sleep, or water seems to help :(.

We DID finally get accepted to a Geneticist However, they can't get the girls in until right before my baby's due... of course...

AND I got a tremendous amount of paper work from this behavioralist/whatever she is that I will be working on over the weekend. 

We appreciate the prayers.

We see the Lord's guidance in everything and are blown away with how much He loves us. 

It's still hard to walk through, but we're striving to keep our eyes on the prize, that is Jesus Christ.

We're also praying over what appointments we make, what we cancel or push off, and when to rest. 

When a Blood Draw Changes Your Life: The Next Step Part II

Who knew a few weeks ago, catching the influenza and running routine blood work (well, routine for our family) would cause such a domino effect in life changing events?! If you haven't read my previous posts over the last month, and my posts over the last few years about lead poisoning and bleeding disorders, then you can catch up with those fancy little categorized tabs on the side of this blog page. :)

Sunday, we met with our new pediatrician to discuss in detail test results we did regarding elevated b-12 levels and elevated ferritin levels in the girls. We talked through a game plan as far as dealing with the continual lead poisoning and how we are going to approach the coming few months/year. We also ran blood work to check the girl's liver and kidney function, which came back normal. PRAISE THE LORD!!!

Our Home fellowship got the kids doctor appointment packs with games, toys, and activities. Here they are at the appointment Sunday playing with the gifts.

Monday, the girls were each evaluated by a behavioralist/developmentalist. This was such an encouraging appointment! I was told that the girls not only show no apparent or obvious signs of lead poisoning affecting them neurologically, but they actually are mature beyond their years socially and academically! I shared with the doctor how we live according to the Bible, how we homeschool through all the doctor's appointments and how we choose to do healthy practices such as limit electronics with our children. She agreed all these things seem to be protecting the kids from regressing mentally. She said she's dealt with kids who have autism or ADHD due to lead poisoning (levels MUCH lower then my kids), and she simply cannot believe how poisoned my kids have been for so long! PRIASE THE LORD!!!

Our appointment Monday, which was about 3 hours longs. 

Today, we had a gent come over and walk through our home to see what we need to do to prepare for what is called a SWAB program here in Saint Paul. We were reminded how important it is to keep our home dust-free and clutter-free . There are decluttering projects I have to get done this week, preferably by Monday to prepare for this SWAB team to go through the home. I can't even keep up on laundry, dishes, and cooking right now, let alone have a dust-free, clutter-free home! 

So between all these appointments I have attained a whole lot of homework as well as a list of places I need to schedule appointments and contact. The game plan is to:

(1) Visit a Pediatric Neuropsychologist: Each child will spend a full day at the hospital getting a detailed evaluation of development. This will give us an accurate baseline to refer back to in the following years as far as how the girls are developing. This specific neuropsychologist happens to also be a hematologist and works with the group Ahavah sees for her bleeding disorder.

(2) Visit a Geneticist: We got denied by the Geneticist here in Saint Paul, but our case is being sent to the hospital in Maryland called Bethesda. I'm not sure if we will be going out there to get seen, or if the doctors out there will be contacting a Geneticist here for us to see, but I was assured with such a rare case that my twins have, we WILL get much attention from Bethesda.

(3) Visit or Contact a Toxicologist: This step is a bit confusing to me still, but we are investigating the actual procedure of how a lab technician would process a lead blood test. Is there variations with the machine that runs the test? Is there any other substance that would cause a child's lead level to look high, but actually isn't? Is there anything that would make a child to be more susceptible to have elevated lead levels?

(4) Get Long Bone X-Rays: This could give us information on how much lead is stored in the kid's bones, possibly how long they have been exposed to lead, and possibly how much lead is being leached from the kids bones and put back into their blood stream.

(5) Fill out Mounds of Paper Work: I'm working on a mound of paper work for the developmentalist that simply documents what the girls are able to do physically and mentally for another baseline of brain function to fall back on. I am working on all these release forms for all the kid's doctors and specialists to share information between each other. Our dentist (see below) requires quite a bit of paper work and health evaluation prior to going in next week. 

(6) Deep Declutter the House in Preparation for SWAB: As if having extremely strenuous and frequent appointments isn't enough, I somehow have to completely declutter and organize my entire house in less then a week... 

(7) Visit a Dentist: Getting the girls in to a Holistic Biological Dentist is going to be a great resource both now and in the years to come as we start seeing long-term effects of severe lead poisoning. We can work with this type of dentist on over all health as it relates to their teeth, which are bones and lead is stored in or can be seen in the teeth. This type of dentist also doesn't use heavy metals or toxic chemicals which is great for my poisoned kid's little bodies. 

___________________________________________________

Overwhelmed?

YES!

However, I have such peace that we are exactly where we are supposed to be. 

This amazing group of doctors and specialists we have behind us now are actually fighting for our children. They aren't content with just letting my kids be chronically between a 20-40 in their lead levels. They are all racking their brains and resources to do something to save them. I am praising the Lord and giving Him all the glory. 

Current events have caused us to re-evaluate how we are homeschooling and how we function as a family. We have changed our whole approach and outlook on homeschooling. It needs to be easily packed up and able to be done on the go. Book work right now needs to require less then a few hours from me a day. Resources such as audio books, iPad apps, reading books and workbooks that can be thrown in our backpacks and done in waiting rooms are life savers. Alex and I also have scheduled a get-away trip over a weekend to go to the MACHE Conference in Duluth this year. This will dub as our "baby-moon" as well as a time of prayer and re-evelation of what the Lord has for us as far as home education our children.

Trying to be home is now a very cherished things. Any time we can do something as a family and not talk about lab results, upcoming appointments, or things we need to get done, WE NEED TO! We're also trying not to let all this chaos take the girls away from seeing their friends and participating in church events, birthday parties ect.

Did I mention I was having a baby?!? Lol.
I have completely forgotten this month that I was pregnant!
And I'm nearing my final trimester!
I also have midwife appointments that will begin to demand one day every two weeks as well as Chiropractic appointments that will require the same amount of time. All the stress of life right now has caused my Braxton Hicks Contractions to increase a whole lot these last two weeks.

Also, did I mention my husband's in full-time work AND full-time school?!?

This is just a glimpse of what's ahead of us. 

Physically. 

Mentally. 

Emotionally. 

Financially. 

In our Marriage.

 In our children. 

In our ministries. 

When you face a trial, it shows where you really are and who you really are.

If you've read my blog for years now, you've heard me share my relationship with Jesus and how I apply His Word to my life. You've seen me stand on my convictions. Now you get to see me in the midst of a trial and you get to see the emotions and my weaknesses, but you get to see the STRENGTH the LORD ALONE GIVES!

The love I have for my Jesus!

The passion I have for His Word!

The UNWAVERING conviction I have that GOD IS GOOD!

Oh dear reader, 

I PRAY with all that is in me that you are spurred on in your walk with Jesus. 

That you dive into His Word and fall so madly in love with Him. 

That you allow Him to be your rock and foundation. 

That you never waver in who God is. 

No matter what you face. 

No matter where this world is heading. 

No matter what's going on in your life. 

And that you shine on, bright, bold, and unashamed of the gospel of Jesus Christ.

Anchor in the Storm

I wrote this post and then saved it as a draft nervous to post it. 
Why?
It's raw. It's what I'm currently dealing with.
But I realize that God is going to use me to speak to other parents who may have to deal with this. 
Then I ran into this article and it word for word depicted what I've been dealing with.
Anger. Guilt. Grief. 
Tremendous grief. 
So here's what I wrote after a long night of crying:




Guilt.

It can drive one mad.

And when it comes to a loved one, it cutes deep.

It bleeds like an artery that was nipped and can't be stopped.

You try to keep your hand on the wound, but blood just keeps coming and coming.

Nothing can console it.

Nothing can mend it.

It just bleeds until there's nothing left and you feel dead.

Every day I look into the eyes of my once healthy girls and can't help but feel the weight of this guilt. Thoughts overwhelms my mind like a violent, raging hurricane. I am drowning in them. Gasping and grasping for any bit of truth I find in God's Word. 

You know things in your head, but then your flesh still goes there. The truth you establish your life on keeps you anchored and far from doing something too rash based of your emotions or your earthly intuitions. You stay anchored knowing that God's in control. Knowing He's spoken to You and You've followed Him. 

However the little boat of your life is still riding upon those waves. There's water coming up on the deck. The masts as being damaged and torn to shreds. You know your boat will pull through, but in the midst of the hurricane, you're overwhelmed. 

Every day I look into my little girl's eyes and see the change in them from the lead poisoning. It's too much to bear most days. You can't ignore it. It just breaks your heart. You just turn away, fall apart, and then try to dry your swollen eyes so you can step back out and continue on being there for them.

They weren't born this way.
Was there something I could have done?!?
Something I shouldn't have done?
They were given to me to care for and I failed!
Forever they'll live with the consequences of this heavy metal.
Oh, God! I can't do anything but watch it take over!

Then a friend calls and shares with me her struggle in her mind. Battling thoughts of despair. I give her the very advice I am striving to apply to my life. It's a battle! You literally have to FIGHT. I know, I've been up all night every night crying until I can't see out of my puffy eyes. My influenza has turned into possible pneumonia and I just can't get better. I don't sleep. Food doesn't taste good. 

Fighting the Fight.

Still a raw, bleeding wound.

But faith is:

.."the substance of things hoped for, the evidence of things not seen." Hebrews 11:1

and it's my hope that this open wound will one day scab over, 

and become a scar like the scars my beautiful Savior had, 

and I can share with the world the Love of My Good God.

Lead Poisoning: The Next Step

So it's been an... emotional week or two to say the least. 

We have platelet levels back up (YAY!!!!), however, we received very troubling news that the twin's lead levels are on the rise. Alecia came out at a 38, and Ahavah a 28. Ahavah just finished a chelation therapy for her lead back in November.

Again anything above a 5 is proven to hinder brain development as well as organs in the body. With our highest of a 74, and our average around a 25-30, for TWO YEARS, we're facing grim circumstances...

I now look back on the past month and realize those bursts of wrath and agression I've been dealing with in Alecia are due to her high lead levels. I remember asking her why she keeps getting so angry and I remember her saying, "I don't know! I can't help it! I just get so frustrated and angry!" 

It's just the scariest thing when lead attacks your children's minds. You see them slow in certain areas, struggling over verbalizing things sometimes, and extreme changes in temperament and it's almost too much to handle. 

SO after crying for 4 days and being on the phone with the wonderful, WONDERFUL people at the Department of Health we had some ideas of what we could do next. I met with the girls NEW pediatrician (which I am SO in love with, I could write a whole blog post about them) and we ran some blood work and made some referrals.

We've already:
(1) Passed Environmental Inspections, Several Times: Our home, paint, dust, dirt, water, cookware, toys... everything. Past living place. Current church location. You name it, we tested it. 

(2) Changed the way we eat and live: Got rid of all chemical cookware. Eat almost completely organic (pesticides can be tricky business). Take vitamins and supplements. Got rid of pretty much all chemical exposure.

We don't know where the lead is coming form and why only the twins have such tremendous levels. So here are the next few steps we are taking:

(3) Genetic Testing: There's been studies done that certain genes have been linked to your body not being able to clear heavy metals from your system. I don't know if these are genes that you're born with or if they mutated, but we're getting the twins tested for this. 

(4) Behavioral/Developmental Specialty Care: The road I NEVER wanted to embark down. Mostly out of fear. I don't want to continually assess them and see the effects this demon has had on their once whole and healthy brains. I am so scared to take this step. I was encouraged to years ago, but I just couldn't get myself to do it. I am so thankful we homeschool since I can continue to challenge them academically whenever and wherever we are, I am also the most informed on what they struggle in and what to watch for. 

(5) Assessing their Overall Health: We're running blood work and such to find any gaps in their vitamin levels or nutrition. Their health as a whole. The twin's dental health over the last year has taken a real toll for the worse and they have NO reason for this at all! You read my blog! You see how healthy these kids are. So we'll be seeing this holistic dentist we were recommended too over the next few months to evaluate why their dental health has been affected and what we can do to help it without exposing them to more heavy metals and chemicals.

I'm not gonna lie. 

I've been an emotional wreck.

Want the Truth?

I get lonely thinking no one really knows what I'm going through. 

Then I remember that doesn't matter. 

I forget how severe and "stressful" this all is until it shows it's ugly head again.

But there's one thing that still remains with me.

My anchor. 

My hope. 

My God.

The Holy Spirit who speaks directly to my heart. 

I KNOW my GOD and HE IS GOOD.

He knows what's going on and I don't need to.

I WANT to. :)

But we pray about the next step and He's so faithful to guide us.

We'll follow Him into whatever He has for us. 

From this life into the next. 

So weary parent. 

It's okay to cry. 

It's okay to feel.

God knows, you don't need to pretend. 

But you need to fall back on Him and let Him make the choices, not those emotions. 

Seek Him. 

Wait on Him. 

Trust Him.

We walk by faith NOT by sight. 

My Speaking Opportunity *VIDEO*

Ahavah's hospital invited me to speak at their Family ITP day in Minneapolis last weekend. My husband got it on video and I put together a little video about our journey so far with her. I hope you enjoy! 




If you can't view the video click this link.